“The Talk” Is Inadequate: Parents Should Have The Talk Part I & Part II (Miniblog #320)
I’m not a parent and, in all likelihood, never will be. So take this blog post with a grain of salt, I suppose. But I tend to think “The Talk” is inadequate. In my opinion, parents should have “The Talk” Part I and Part II. Part I is the basic birds and the bees that should happen when the child is younger. You know, “When a man and a woman love each other very much…” It’s about anatomy, a basic outline of the biblical understanding of marriage, that it’s natural to have certain feelings, and that sort of thing. It prepares the child for the inevitable coming of age. It’s about the transition from childhood into adolescence. More than anything, it opens the lines of communication and says to the child, “This topic is safe. Please ask me your questions.” Part II, however, should happen a few years later. It prepares the son or daughter for adulthood. It’s about all the stuff I mentioned in the blog post a few days ago: lingerie, masturbation, pornography, bodily fluids, sexual positions, newlywed expectations, reasonable expectations for sexual frequency, what role orgasm should and shouldn’t play, the necessity of being serving and self-sacrificial, quickies vs. slow love-making, the importance of spouses having really open and honest communication, the comprehensive biblical vision for the marriage covenant, the importance of honoring and respecting members of the opposite sex, and so forth. You’re getting into some deep biological, cultural, and Song of Songs type stuff. The purpose of Part II is to lay a healthy foundation for adult sexuality, preparing the son or daughter for future marriage. A lot of evangelical parents today seem to think that their children have already been sexually oversaturated by the culture, so the last thing they should do is talk more about sex and in explicit terms. I disagree. Strongly. The plain truth is that we’re living in the Information Age. They cannot be sheltered long-term. They’re going to acquire that knowledge somewhere. The only question is what the source will be and whether its influence will be healthy or harmful. In my opinion, it’s usually better for them to get a comprehensively biblical perspective from their parents than a purely hedonistic perspective from Cosmopolitan, Hollywood, gym locker rooms, and/or online porn… Of course, I experienced neither Part I nor Part II, so what do I know?